I grew up mashing keys on a beige PC in my uncle’s garage. That humble rig also hosted many of the treasures that would later make my personal roundup of the best DOS games of all time from my beige box to yours.
One game always pulled me back: Alley Cat. Last week, I fired it up again in DOSBox on my laptop. Guess what? It still made me grin, and also groan. I even scribbled a longer love letter to the game in this Alley Cat (DOS) reminiscence if you need more cat tales after you’re done here.
You can spin this scrappy classic right in your browser over at DOSGames.com, no setup required.
What it is, in plain words
You’re a scrappy street cat. You bounce off trash cans, hop onto windows, and jump inside to do quick little tasks. Each window is a mini-game. Finish one, score points, climb toward a “romance” level with a fancy lady cat. Miss jumps or get swatted, and you lose a life. That’s the loop. Those candy-colored pixels are part of why Alley Cat consistently sneaks onto any roster of the best MS-DOS games of all time.
The look is classic CGA: magenta, cyan, white, black. It’s loud but kind of lovely, like grape soda on snow. The sound is PC speaker beeps and meows. Sharp. Simple. It fits.
Controls are basic. I used the arrow keys and Ctrl to jump in DOSBox. Up lets you climb. It feels snappy once you get the timing.
A few real moments from my last run
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I perched on the top clothesline, waiting for a window to blink. It popped open on the left. I did a diagonal jump, slid right into the Fishbowl room, and got greedy. I stayed under for one more fish. Zap. The eel tagged me. That bzzzt sound? My kid yelled, “Mom, why is your cat electric?”
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In the Birdcage room, I tried to rush the bird. Bad plan. I misread the swing of the cage and whiffed. The broom came out and pushed me into the corner like I’d tracked mud across the carpet. I wriggled free, took a breath, then landed a clean grab on the second pass. Very cat.
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The Cheese room is still my favorite. I chased mice through big holes like a furry pinball. I cleared every mouse, but the last one juked me at the rim and I slid off. I laughed out loud. Then I got him. Sweet.
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The hearts stage at the top? It’s a little wild. I jumped platform to platform, dodging arrows and drifting hearts. I fell twice. Third try, I hit the balcony and got the kiss. The screen chimed, and my younger self did a tiny fist pump inside my head.
How I play it today (quick setup)
Don’t feel like tinkering with emulators? You can dive into a ready-to-run browser build over at DOS Games Online and be pouncing on fish within seconds.
I used DOSBox and set the cycles to a slower speed so the cat didn’t zip like a rocket. 3000–5000 felt right on my machine. I mapped Ctrl to jump. Windowed mode helped with input lag. Nothing fancy.
If you’re stuck on timing, try tapping jump in little bursts instead of holding it. And watch the windows. They blink to tell you the next room is hot.
What still rocks
- Fast, clear goals. In and out in seconds. One more run? Always.
- The broom. It’s annoying, but it’s funny-annoying. Like an old cartoon gag.
- Each room feels different. Fish, bird, cheese, a sneaky bowl and a dog—enough variety to keep you alert.
- Jumps feel fair when you settle into the rhythm. The trash can lid bounce saved me more than once.
- That courtship climb is simple but charming. It gives the game a shape.
What made me grumble
- The colors can be harsh. Pretty in a retro way, but also a little “whoa.”
- Hitboxes are fussy near ledges. You think you landed. You did not.
- The PC speaker can pierce, especially on shocks and falls.
- If DOSBox runs too fast, it becomes chaos. Tweak the speed, or it punishes you.
- Some windows feel tougher than others, and the random order can mess with flow.
Tiny tips that helped me
- In the alley, wait high, not low. It’s safer on the clotheslines.
- Enter windows from a short hop, not a long one. You’ll stick the landing more.
- In the Fishbowl, grab two fish, surface, then finish. Don’t linger.
- In Cheese, herd mice toward a corner instead of chasing flat-out.
- If the broom shows up, pause, then cut across fast. Don’t fight it head-on.
Who this suits
- Retro fans who like quick, clean arcade loops.
- Kids who giggle at slapstick chaos (my kid loved the broom sweep).
- Folks who want a game that respects your time. Short runs, big charm.
Quick detour for the grown-ups: if Alley Cat’s innocent pixel flirtation leaves you craving something a little more risqué, the web’s treasure trove of bite-sized browser titles also includes some famously NSFW escapades. An entertaining place to start is this concise Meet ‘N’ Fuck review which explains the series’ cheeky gameplay loops, art style, and whether these saucy click-quests are actually worth your browser time.
If, instead, you'd like to swap the virtual smoulder for some in-person sparks, South Florida locals can jump into a rapid-fire round of introductions at Speed Dating Coral Gables—a structured evening of curated age-group mixers, playful ice-breaker games, and next-day match notifications that take all the guesswork out of meeting someone new.
Final word
Alley Cat still has claws. It’s messy in spots, and that’s the joy. I sat down “just to test it,” then played for 40 minutes, laughed at my own bad hops, and felt ten again. If you want a second opinion on why Alley Cat’s mix of charm and challenge endures, there’s also a detailed user review on GameSpot that echoes much of my nostalgia.
Score from me: 4 out of 5 fish. Would chase again tomorrow. If you’re hunting for more classics to spin up after your alley adventures, pull up a squeaky desk chair and browse through this roundup of the best DOS games ever told; it’s a rabbit hole worth falling into.